Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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