wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
