Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
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