There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Life is so much better after having sex.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Randomize
