Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
