my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
