I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
