I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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