theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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