you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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