I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
