that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
