I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
