I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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