I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
