her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
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