Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Randomize
