this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
