i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
