o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
