talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
