Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
