the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
