We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Even my vagina gasped.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
