On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
