He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
