I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
