My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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