i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
