so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
