bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
drinking out of a sandbucket again
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
