you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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