Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
