dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
