hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
