Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
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