i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
