Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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