Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
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