you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Randomize
