You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
you inspire me to be a worse person
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
