Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Randomize
