I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
