I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
