So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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