There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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