You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
