So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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