Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
