She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
